教你如何三步成为雅思小作文达人

C9T3——Band 6范文

The diagrams show statistic information regarding the ages of the habitants of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and also a estimative for 2050.

We can see that in 2000 the majority of people in Yemen was between 0 and 14 years old, whith 50.1%, whereas in Italy most of the population was between 15-59 years old (61.6%), in the same year. On the other hand, just 3.6% of people in the former country was 60 years old or more in 2000, while in the latter country this figure is represented with 24.1%.

The projections for 2050 show that the number of people with 15-59 years and 60 years or more will increase in Yemen, reaching 57.3% and 5.7% respectively. In contrast, in Italy, the population with 15-59 years will decrease to 46.2%, while people with 60 years or more will grow to 42.3%.

Overall, it is possible to see that there is an upward trend on the rates of people with 60 years or more in both countries.

下面我们结合考官评语，认真研读这篇范文，明确得分点和扣分点，让我们对自己的写作水平有更明确的衡量标准。

(1) 任务完成情况：

(失分原因)even though in each chart one element is “implied”(暗示) “rather than overtly stated”(没有明确描述). (如范文第2段中没有明确说明2000年也门15-59岁人口的比重以及意大利0到14岁的人口比重;再比如范文第3段中没有明确说明两个国家2050年0到14岁的人口比重)。

(得分原因) “Clear comparisons”(清晰的信息比较) are drawn between the two countries. An overview is given(总趋势描述),

(失分原因) although focusing on only one age group reduces its clarity. (最后一段只总结了两个国家60岁以上的人口的变化而忽视了另外两个年龄段的总趋势描述)。

(2) 连接性与连贯性：

(得分原因)The information is well organised and a range of linking devices used, e.g. whereas; the latter country.

以第二段为例让我们一起体会连接词的使用：

We can see that in 2000 the majority of people in Yemen was between 0 and 14 years old, with 50.1%, whereas in Italy most of the population was between 15-59 years old (61.6%), in the same year. On the other hand, just 3.6% of people in the former country was 60 years old or more in 2000, while in the latter country, this figure is represented with 24.1%.

(3) 词汇：

(失分原因)though attempt to use less common words are less successful. A few errors occur in word formation e.g. statistic (statistical); estimative(estimate), but they “do not affect understanding”(有错误但是不影响理解).

(4) 语法：

(得分原因)Simple and complex sentence forms are produced with few grammatical errors,

(失分原因)but the range of structures is rather restricted(句式缺乏多样性)

综上我们根据“得分要素”总结答题步骤如下：

step1，找出要描述的信息的特征，比如占最多，增长快，保持不变等等。找出可以用来比较的信息，比如共同点，相反趋势等等。

step2，组织段落，可以按趋势分段，按比重分段，也可按时间分段。组织语言，尽可能把相关联的内容写到一起，用连接词衔接。

step3，归纳总趋势，找出最明显的特征，最大变化，最有共性的信息等。

以下图为例，烤鸭们自己来小试牛刀：

step1:首先信息选取：

(1) working 和sleeping最多，但是一个增多，一个减少

(2) 同样减少的是going out with friends or families

(3) 相反花在relaxing at home和traveling to work的时间都有不同程度的增加。

(4) 只有other interest and sport playing的时间没有发生变化

step2:

开头：改写

第一段(1)(2)

第二段But on the other hand(3)

第三段In contrast，(4)

step3: overview(结尾)

The chart shows the percentage of time working adults spent the day on different activities in a particular country in 1985 and 2008

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