雅思写作|如何让9分的范文给你9分的启迪

所属专题:雅思考试  来源:小站教育    要点:雅思写作提分  
编辑点评: 在雅思写作世界里,永远不缺高分范文,有老外写的范文,有咱名师自己写的。每场考试过后,尘埃不落定,但范文已经若干篇了。所以范文不缺,缺的是如何好好利用它的方法,本文实操!

对于雅思写作来说,范文是好东西,因为大部分人没有那种幸运,可以有一位老师从旁指点自己作文的不足,这个时候,一篇不会说法的好质量范文,就是一位沉默如金的好老师。所以,网络上不缺乏范文求分享的人,也不缺分享各种来路不明的范文的人。如何让9分的范文给你9分的启迪,7分的范文给你7分的助益?

 

怎么来学习一篇9分范文?如何最大化地利用它?来自native speaker + IELTS examiner Simon的范文一篇,先阅读,再评鉴.

 

雅思题目:

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

 

前考官9分范文:
Cities are often seen as places of opportunity, but there are also some major drawbacks of living in a large metropolis. In my opinion, governments could do much more to improve city life for the average inhabitant.

The main problem for anyone who hopes to migrate to a large city is that the cost of living is likely to be much higher than it is in a small town or village. Inhabitants of cities have to pay higher prices for housing, transport, and even food. Another issue is that urban areas tend to suffer from social problems such as high crime and poverty rates in comparison with rural areas. Furthermore, the air quality in cities is often poor, due to pollution from traffic, and the streets and public transport systems are usually overcrowded. As a result, city life can be unhealthy and stressful.

However, there are various steps that governments could take to tackle these problems. Firstly, they could invest money in the building of affordable or social housing to reduce the cost of living. Secondly, politicians have the power to ban vehicles from city centres and promote the use of cleaner public transport, which would help to reduce both air pollution and traffic congestion. In London, for example, the introduction of a congestion charge for drivers has helped to curb the traffic problem. A third option would be to develop provincial towns and rural areas, by moving industry and jobs to those regions, in order to reduce the pressure on major cities.

In conclusion, governments could certainly implement a range of measures to enhance the quality of life for all city residents.(273 words, band 9)

 

雅思9分范文评析:

本题是一道多问题类型话题,①需要考生解析居住城市所遇见的困难,②以及给出政府所能做出的改善建议。

Cities are often seen as places of opportunity(a better life), but there are also some major drawbacks(extremely difficult/difficulties) of living in a large metropolis(a city). In my opinion, governments could do much more to improve city life(make urban life better) for the average inhabitant(everyone).

首段:改写题目+自己想法。括号中为原文题目。

注意:Simon考官偏爱两句首段方式,简洁明了。

句式:被动句+there be句型

The main problem for anyone (who hopes to migrate to a large city) is that the cost of living is likely to be much higher than it is in a small town or village. Inhabitants of cities have to pay higher prices for housing, transport, and even food. Another issue is that urban areas tend to suffer from social problems such as high crime and poverty rates in comparison with rural areas. Furthermore, the air quality in cities is often poor, due to pollution from traffic, and the streets and public transport systems are usually overcrowded. As a result, city life can be unhealthy and stressful.

 

第二段,共五句:

①+②:生活成本高+细节拓展(举例:住房、交通、食物)——使用比较:be much higher, pay higher prices

③:社会问题多(举例:犯罪、贫穷)——使用比较:in comparison

④:空气污染重(源于交通问题,然后顺带提到交通拥挤)

⑤:简单总结

句式:定语从句+表语从句

However, there are various steps (that governments could take) to tackle these problems. Firstly, they could invest money in the building of affordable or social housing to reduce the cost of living. Secondly, politicians have the power to ban vehicles from city centres and promote the use of cleaner public transport, which would help to reduce both air pollution and traffic congestion. In London, for example, the introduction of a congestion charge for drivers has helped to curb the traffic problem. A third option would be to develop provincial towns and rural areas, by moving industry and jobs to those regions, in order to reduce the pressure on major cities.

 

第三段,共五句:

①:简单总起

②:方案一,降低生活成本——投资廉价房源

③+④:方案二,减少空气污染、减轻交通压力——限制汽车使用,使用清洁型新汽车。举例——伦敦拥堵费

⑤:方案三,减轻交通压力——从市中心外移工业企业

句式:there be+定语从句+非限制性定语从句

In conclusion, governments could certainly implement a range of measures to enhance the quality(make urban life better) of life for all city residents(everyone).

结尾一句,再次申明观点,改写原文,或者改写首段第二句观点皆可。

全文总结:
全文共运用:被动句+表语从句+非限制定语从句+2句there be句+2句定语从句

large cities —— a large metropolis —— urban areas —— major cities

a better life —— places of opportunity

difficulties —— major drawbacks

do much more —— tackle these problems —— implement a range of measures

improve city life —— enhance the quality of life

everyone —— average inhabitant —— all city residents

rural areas —— a small town or village —— provincial towns —— regions

public transport —— vehicle —— traffic

public transport systems are usually overcrowded —— congestion

注意:同义替换并不代表意思相同,只要类似即可。

 

最后是来自Simon考官的友情提示:不要在连接词上费太多心思,用first of all替代first绝非文章的亮点所在!

所以,从词汇句子角度,可读;从行文框架思路角度,可读;从论证方法角度,可读,一鱼三吃,说的即是如此雅思好文。

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