替你的托福写作“减减肥”

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编辑点评: 写作一项是中国学生在语言写作中的弱项。很多同学认为句子越复杂越好,越能显现自己的英语水平高超。事实上,简洁适当的句子比复杂冗长的句子更出彩。今天我们就来谈谈如何帮我们的托福作文减肥减负,使它既简洁明了又精彩出色。

很多考生在托福写作中认为复杂句能够提升文章的质量,展示自己“地道”的英文,获得更高的分数。这种想法有一定的道理,因为新托福写作的评分标准中确实有从语法或用词的多样性等角度考察语言质量的评分项目,但有时生硬地追求长句、复杂句反而破坏句子的准确性。下面,我们就来谈谈怎样帮你的托福写作“减减肥”,用简洁的语言写出漂亮的句子:

建议一: 避免空洞的单词和词组

1. 一些空洞的单词或词组根本不能为句子带来任何相关的或重要的信息,完全可以被删掉。比如下面的句子:

When all things are considered,young adults of today live more satisfying lives than those of their parents,in my opinion.

这句话当中的“when all things are considered”和“in my opinion“都显得多余。完全可以去掉。改为:

Young adults of today live more satisfying lives than their parents.

2. 有些空洞和繁琐的表达方式可以进行替换,例如:

Due to the fact that our grandparents were under an obligation to help their parents,they did not have the options that young people have at this point in time.

“due to the fact that”就是一个很典型的繁琐的表达方式的例子,可以替换,简化为下面的表达方式:

Because our grandparents were obligated to help their parents,they did not have the options that young people have now.

建议二: 避免重复

1. 尽量避免重复使用同样的词汇。或者有的时候虽然词汇没有重复,但意思却有重复。这时候可以做一些简化的工作。例如下面这个例子:

The farm my grandfather grew up on was large in size.

large 对一个farm来说就是size方面的large,所以in size可以去掉,改为:

The farm my grandfather grew up on was large.

更简洁的表达方式为:

My grandfather grew up on a large farm.

2. 有时一个词组可以用一个更简单的单词来替换,例如:

My grandfather has said over and over again that he had to work on his parents’ farm.

这里的over and over again就可以改为repeatedly,显得更为简洁:

My grandfather has said repeatedly that he had to work on his parents’ farm.

建议三:选择最恰当的语法结构

选择合适的语法结构可以使句子意思的表达更为精确和简练。虽然语法的多样性也很重要,但选择最恰当的语法结构仍然是更为重要的考虑因素。以下,推荐几种考生们在考虑选择何种语法结构时可以参考的原则:

1. 一个句子的主语和谓语动词应该能够反映句子中的最重要的意思。例如:

The situation that resulted in my grandfather’s not being able to study engineering was that his father needed help on the farm.

从意思上来分析,上面这句话需要表达的重要的概念是“grandfather’s not being able to study”,而在表达这个概念时,原句用的主语是situation,谓语动词是was,不能强调需要表达的重点概念,可以改为下面这句话:

My grandfather couldn’t study engineering because his father needed help on the farm.

2. 避免频繁使用“there be”结构,例如下面的句子:

There were 25 cows on the farm that my grandfather had to milk every day. It was hard work for my grandfather.

可以改为:My grandfather worked hard. He had to milk 25 cows on the farm every day.

更简洁的句式为:

My grandfather worked hard milking 25 cows daily.

3. 把从句改为短语或单词。例如:

Dairy cows were raised on the farm, which was located100 kilometers from the nearest university and was in an area that was remote.

简介的表达方式为:

The dairy farm was located in a remote area,100 kilometers to the nearest university.

4. 仅在需要强调宾语而不是主语的时候,才使用被动语态。例如:

In the fall,not only did the cows have to be milked,but also the hay was mowed and stacked by my grandfather’s family.

本句不够简洁的原因是本句的重心应该是“忙碌的家庭——my grandfather’s family”,而使用了被动语态后,仿佛重心变成了cows和hay。下面的表达方式是主动语态,相对来说更简洁一些:

In the fall,my grandfather’s family not only milked the cow but also mowed and stacked the hay.

5. 用更为精确的一个动词来代替动词短语,例如下面这句话:

My grandfather didn’t have time to stand around doing nothing with his school friends.

Stand around doing nothing其实可以用一个动词来表达,即loiter:

My grandfather didn’t have time to loiter with his school friends.

6. 有时两句话的信息经过组合完全可以用一句话来简练地表达,例如:

Profits from the farm were not large. Sometimes they were too small to meet the expenses of running a farm. They were not sufficient to pay for a university degree.

两句话的信息可以合并为下面这句更为简洁的句子:

Profits from the farm were sometimes too small to meet operational expenses,let alone pay for a university degree.

以上内容就是让你的托福写作更简洁的三条建议,希望大家作个参考,不要让过于复杂的难句变成你文章的冗杂部分,那样不仅增加了因为语法问题失分的可能性,也会对你的作文大打折扣,写作要量力而为,漂亮的文章不仅仅是靠复杂句堆砌而成的。

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